Trees are a lot like people.  They offer different gifts to the world but are all important and valuable.  In our yard we have an apple tree next to a group of cottonwood trees.  As I looked out my office window last fall I saw the cottonwood leaves litter the ground and fill the air as they fluttered down like tiny yellow gliders.  The apple tree, which experiences the same sun conditions, the same rocky soil, the same high water table and the same day and night air temperatures, was still fully dressed in leaves which stubbornly remained green.  The apples slowly ripened and remained on the tree for the deer and our family to enjoy.  The horse chestnut tree held onto its large leaves as they changed from green to vivid yellow and the horse chestnuts grew and began to ripen.  Rather than dropping its leaves over the course of days or weeks, one day nearly all the leaves tumbled to the ground adding amazing variety to the yellow ground cover of other leaves.

Every one of these trees brings its own gifts to our yard just by being their natural selves.  Just like people, they interact with the world in ways that are unique to them.  We all have gifts that are uniquely ours to bring to the world.  So stand tall like the trees in my yard and offer your gifts for the world to see.

My friend’s response reminded me of two things I should have considered when phrasing my feedback to her.  One, she is female and second, an Enneagram Type Six.  So why can’t I just provide feedback honestly and directly without considering things like gender and personality?  Feedback should always be honest and direct but must take into account that we all hear differently.  What we hear comes through the filters that we have developed through our life experiences and the personality and gender with which we came into the world.

In general, conversational rituals of men often involve opposition such as teasing and playful put-downs.  Men expend effort to avoid being put-down and put in a position “lower” than the other person.  Women, on the other hand, use rituals that maintain an appearance of equality between people in the conversation and consideration of the feelings of the other person.  Neither set of rituals is right or wrong, better or worse than the other.  It is important in a conversation to recognize the ritual that is put forth rather than relying solely on the literal meaning of the words being said.

When my friend said, “you do that too” she was responding in such a way that equality would return between the two of us.  Within her conversational ritual I had raised her to a different level with the compliment.  She was unable to “hear” the compliment because she was in an uncomfortable position in the conversation.

If I had accounted for what I knew about her I would have phrased the feedback in a way that she would have heard without discomfort.  I probably would have said something more like, “isn’t it great to be a woman with the ability to adjust your presentation to the mood of the audience?  You did that especially well today.”  This phrasing would fulfill her need to maintain a sense of equality between us and allow her to hear the feedback.

Do you hear what I hear?  It is good to have a reminder that we all hear through our own filters.  Consider your filter and that of the other person’s in your next conversation especially if it is not going as expected.

Don’t know your filters?  Ask someone you trust or attend one of my Active Listening workshops.  for immediate resources check out “10 Practices for Active Listening“

Think of your project and your company as a green and growing tree that bears fruit.  In order to ensure its ongoing health, countless decisions are made daily, weekly, monthly.  Each person on the project and in your company has a good history of making decisions in certain areas.  The area and level of decision is different for each person but each individual has a history.  These areas of good decision making history are leaf-level decisions.  These decisions can by made and acted on.  You do not need to hear about them.  It is your goal as a supervisor and project manager to move more decisions out to the leaf level for each person.  That is how you will know and measure the progress each person is making in their development.

There are four categories of decisions.

Leaf Decisions:

• Make the decision.  Act on it.  Do not report the action you took.

Branch Decisions:

• Make the decisions. Act on it.  Report the action you took daily, weekly or monthly.

Trunk Decisions:

• Make the decision.  Report your decisions before you take action.

Root Decisions:

• Make the decision jointly, with input from other people.  These are the decisions that, if poorly made and implemented, could cause major harm to the project or company.

The analogy of root, trunk, branch, and leaf decisions indicates the degree of potential harm or good they can make to the company as action is taken at each level.  A trunk decision isn’t necessarily more important than a leaf decision.  Poor decisions at any level can hurt an organization, but if you unwittingly yank a leaf off a tree, the tree won’t die.  A leaf decision will not kill the tree if it is poorly made and executed.  A wrong action at the root level, however, can cause tremendous damage.

The goal of the Decision Tree is threefold:

1. To identify clearly which categories decisions and actions fall into, so that an employee knows exactly where he or she has the authority to make decisions and take action.
2. To provide employees with a clear upward path of professional development.  Progress is made when decisions are moved from root to trunk to branch to leaf.
3. To assist companies in consciously developing grassroots leadership within their organizations freeing up executives to take on more challenging responsibilities themselves.  A direct outcome of using the Decision Tree is that learning is provoked.

Developing other leaders is a major responsibility of every leader.  Developing others allows everyone to rise to a higher plane of responsibility.  If those around you believe their job is to do what you tell them, you’re sunk.  Neither of you will develop to take on higher responsibility.  So help yourself and others by moving decisions up the tree.

One day as I was maintaining the hot tub that I never found time to use I asked myself why.  Both my daughters are in college so I should have plenty of extra time.  That day I made the decision to use the hot tub regularly rather than just clean and maintain it.

Guess what I discovered?  By taking 20 minutes a day to do absolutely nothing I saved at least twice that much time.  I honored my commitment to use the hot tub and soak for 15-20 minutes each day.  I let my mind wander or go blank.  I do not intentionally focus on anything while I am letting the warmth seep into my bones.  Suddenly I find that inspiration to a dilemma comes to me when I am not consciously thinking about it.  I am clearer about my priorities and tasks for the day and write more quickly and clearly.  All of this has added up to working more efficiently and effectively.

Currently I am reading “Heroic Leadership” by Chris Lowney.  He writes about the best practices of the Jesuits who have been a successful company for over 450 years.  One of the disciplines they practice is taking five minutes three times per day to examine the opportunities and challenges of the day and how they reacted to them.  This self examination provides ongoing feedback and allows them to incorporate lessons in real time and ensure they are acting in ways that move them toward their goals.

Do you need to have more time in your day?  I suggest you find it by taking five minutes to do nothing.  Sit comfortably in your chair or on the couch, in your bathtub of warm water or even your hot tub for ten minutes tomorrow.  I wonder how much time you will save or what inspiration will come to you.  Let me know and I will pass on your experiences in a future newsletter.

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Despite significant corporate commitment to the advancement of women’s careers, progress appears to have stalled. The percentage of women on boards and senior-executive teams remains stuck at around 15 percent in many countries, and just 3 percent of Fortune 500 CEOs are women.

 The last generation of workplace innovations—policies to support women with young children, networks to help women navigate their careers, formal sponsorship programs to ensure professional development—broke down structural barriers holding women back. The next frontier is toppling invisible barriers: mind-sets widely held by managers, men and women alike, that are rarely acknowledged but block the way.

 When senior leaders commit themselves to gender diversity, they really mean it—but in the heat of the moment, deeply entrenched beliefs cause old forms of behavior to resurface. All too often in our experience, executives perceive women as a greater risk for senior positions, fail to give women tough feedback that would help them grow, or hesitate to offer working mothers opportunities that come with more travel and stress. Not surprisingly, a survey we conducted earlier this year indicated that although a majority of women who make it to senior roles have a real desire to lead, few think they have meaningful support to do so, and even fewer think they’re in line to move up.

Our ideas for breaking this cycle are directional, not definitive. They rest on our experience in the trenches with senior executives, on discussions with 30 diversity experts, and on the reflections of leaders we’ve interviewed at companies that have been on this journey for years. These companies include Pitney Bowes, 38 percent of whose vice presidents are women; Shell, where more than a quarter of all supervisors and professional staff worldwide are women; and Time Warner, where more than 40 percent of the senior executives in its operating divisions are women and where the share of women in senior roles has jumped 30 percent in the past six years. Great progress, but even these three companies are the first to admit how much further they have to go.

 Their collective experience suggests to us that real progress requires system wide change driven by a hard-edged approach, including targets ensuring that women are at least considered for advancement, the rigorous application of data in performance dialogues to overcome problematic mind-sets, and genuine sponsorship. Committed senior leaders are of course central to such efforts, which can take many years. We hope our suggestions, and the real-life examples that illustrate them, will stir up your thinking about how to confront the silent but potent beliefs that probably are undermining women in your organization right now.

Please read the rest of the article and commit to changing the mind of your company today.

http://www.mckinseyquarterly.com/Changing_companies_minds_about_women_2858

 Some changes we experience and even bring on ourselves cause both positive and negative reactions at the same time.  Getting a new car is a change that does that for me.  I am excited to drive away in a sparkling clean car running smoothly with new features to explore.  At the same time I am already worried about the first scratch it will get in the paint, the increased registration and taxes of a newer car and fearful that it will not live up to my expectations. I am singing while my stomach is in a knot. 

 So how do we embrace changes that redirect our daily routines and lessen the tightness that invades our bodies?  How do we move from fear to song in less time and incorporate the new device, direction, routine into our life?

 Tip 1:  Focus on the positive outcome.  What will you have or be after you make the change that does not now exist?  Write down the positive outcome of the change and refer to it as often as you need to in order to keep yourself moving forward.

 Tip 2:  Find support.  It is easier to stay in our current routines and habits than change even when we know the result will be a good thing.  So find someone that can support you as you transition from what is to what will be.  Your support person should focus on your agenda and commitment not their own.  Choose your support carefully and thoughtfully.

 Tip 3:  Keep the long view.  The older we get the more quickly time seems to go by.  The time you spent making the change will seem insignificant before you know it.  Remember when your children were babies and you could not get enough sleep night after night?  In the midst of those sleepless nights it seemed you would never get enough sleep again.  Looking back now it seems like those days were a very short slice of your life. 

 When you feel your body tighten and the voices in your head rebel against change, take a deep breath and use these three tips to embrace the process!  “He that gets hurt will be he who has stalled” according to Bob Dylan so do not let fear stall you.

Ms. Frankel details distinctive behaviors  that women learn in girlhood that sabotage them as adults.  In the book she describes how to eliminate them and offers tips for incorporating different behaviors in your social and business skills.  Each chapter is a category of behavior including how we think, sound look, brand ourselves, etc.  The book is easy to read and the tips are specific and adoptable.

In this book club we will share thoughts about the behaviors that the author describes and stories of new behaviors that we each try out as a result.  We will challenge each other to bravely become the women we are capable of becoming and escape the girls we were taught to be.

For a monthly investment of only $5 you can post unlimited comments and view others comments anytime you are inspired or want inspiration.  We will cover one section each month and complete the book in 6 months.  You can pay monthly or save 20% by making a one-time payment of $25!

 Join now.  Just send my your name and email address with payment.  I will send you a password for immediate access to the posting of other members and the ability to ask questions and make your own comments.

When I was a corporate employee I sent a card every year to half of our employees (a co-worker wrote to the other half).  The card arrived on the anniversary of their joining the firm.  At times the task of writing the cards seemed daunting when other priorities begged for attention especially in months when more than 20 anniversaries occurred.  I received an emailed thank you from about half of the recipients which kept me going.   But there were many times when my enthusiasm for the task waned and I thought about not writing the 250+ cards every year.  I often struggled to come up with words tailored to the specific person when I did not know them well.  Then one day I was visiting one of the offices across the nation and noticed an employee that had pinned the cards I had written to him for the past 3 years on the wall of his cubicle.  I kept writing the cards until I left the firm years later!

Here are nine magic and free ways you too can inspire and motivate others.  The actions may even motivate you.

1. Smile – a genuine smile goes a long way to make another person feel welcomed and appreciated.  The next time, and every time, you run into someone in the hallway, break room or they enter your office greet them with a smile that tells them you are happy to see them and talk with them.  They will recognize if the smile is forced or fake so don’t just plaster a smile on your lips.  Make it real to reach your eyes and light up your whole face.
2. Say Thank You – employees, kids, spouses and friends like to know that their contributions are noticed and appreciated.  Do not under value the simple act of saying thank you.  Make sure you state specifically what you appreciate about their work.  After all, what gets rewarded gets repeated.  If you simply say thank you they will very likely repeat the behavior or action that you specified.  Adding a smile to your thank you will make it even more memorable.
3. Pay Attention – Show genuine interest in their professional and personal lives.  Ask them about what they did over the weekend or after work.  Ask them about the elements of their work day that were most interesting and rewarding for them.  We all like to talk about ourselves and our passions.  The few moments you take to listen to their stories will help them feel appreciated and part of a bigger team.
4. Send Notes – Texting, email and IM seem to have sped our ability to connect with each other but the messages are fleeting and often forgotten as quickly as the conversation concludes.  Writing a note to others makes a lasting impression.  A post – it note of Thanks! Or a card with two to three lines will make a lasting impression.
5. Perpetuate Show and Tell – Let others offer something they enjoy to the team.  Perhaps someone loves baking cookies or makes a special recipe from their childhood.  Set aside a day per month for each person to bring in a treat if they want to.  Take turns enjoying the gifts each other has to offer.  It does not have to be food.  Maybe someone wants to share photos or stories from a vacation or special event they attended.  Remember in grade school we had days for “Show and Tell”?  Even as adults we like to demonstrate our talents to others so give everyone an opportunity.
6. Involve Them – Hold regular meetings to let the whole team or family know what is going on.  Review immediate events and deadlines, include potential changes, and talk about the big picture.  Everyone will feel they belong if they are included in plans and understand how their involvement contributes overall.
7. Encourage – Give recognition when due in front of peers and pass on praise from supervisors and clients.  Encourage everyone to recognize the contributions of others.  Catch someone doing something right every day and tell them how much you appreciate it. 
8. Ask Questions – Ask others what non-monetary rewards they would like.  If possible, provide them.  Ask what they are interested in learning more about and help them find ways to achieve the knowledge.  Ask others for input to decisions, especially ones that directly affect them.  Listening to their input will show that you care and that they are important to the organization.  Incorporate their input when possible, but even if you can’t, the act of asking for their input will make them feel part of the team. 
9. Listen – Listen to ideas of others; act affirmatively on those ideas whenever possible.  Listening will help you understand what others need, win their respect, communicate that you care and minimize frustration that arises when people do not feel heard.  Listen, even when it is hard, to those around you.  It will help you keep an open mind and an open heart to the journey and desires of others.

 Vacations are a time to rejuvenate and re-energize.  Many companies require vacations to be taken within a certain time period or the time is lost.  This is not meant as punishment but as encouragement to take time away for better health.  Be a good example to others around you and schedule regular time away from work.  To make the most of vacation days try these tips to relax quickly and focus on family and friends.  Try them all or choose a few that are readily available to you.

1. Get outside in the natural world, out of buildings and away from desks.  Put yourself in a very different environment than your work week.
2. Turn off the alarm clock.  Let your body find its natural rhythm for activity.
3. Breathe in the beauty that surrounds us every day and largely goes unnoticed.  Look around and breathe.
4. Take a walk and notice everything, leaves on the trees, birds chirping, water rushing by, grass growing…
5. Sit still and focus only on your breath.  Let other thoughts and distractions pass through your head as you focus on your breath entering and leaving your body.
6. Feel the clean air in and around you.
7. Plan a fun activity for each day of your vacation.  Just the act of planning will help get your mind and body ready for a different experience.
8. Take a nap!  Find a hammock for ultimate relaxation.